grab that rebound!

Today, I was discussing with my roommate why it is that we worry about "rebounding". We also wondered why guys tend to avoid dating girls who have just broken up with someone. We even realized that we've told a friend or two "you should probably give her some space and let her get over him first." We've decided it's time for a change; We're officially pro-rebound.

Why not, right? I know that the last time I broke up with someone, I complained that it was difficult to move on because there weren't any guys asking me on a date. Plus, as a wise institute teacher pointed out to me once, when you're "heartbroken" over a recent break up, you want the affection and attention back that you had in your relationship, right? So, your heart is already open. Once you "get over" someone, or especially when you spend some time being anti-dating, you harden your heart and put up a wall that someone trying to date you has to break down. If you're "rebounding", the wall is already down and you can start to build a relationship that much faster.

The moral of the story? Rebound away.

Expectations

Sometimes I feel like Mr. Jerry Seinfeld. You had the big nose, the man hands, eating peas one at a time and many other small things that led Jerry to break up with the girl. I often hear from friends after I break up with a girl that my expectations are too high. But where do you draw the line between finding what you need/want and having these expectations to high?

One of the things we studied in my beginning to marketing was order winners, order losers, and order qualifiers. Qualifiers are those things that qualify you for consideration. Winners are those things that separate you from everyone else. Losers are those things that will cause you to be taken out of consideration. I have decided that this will be my new template in finding my eternal companion by classifying the things I absolutely have to have and those that I could live without.

Ponying up!

A few weeks ago their was a stake barn dance for my stake in which my roommate and attended. After only a few min at the dance I spotted the girl I wanted to talk, dance with and get to know better, but I was a chicken. I have never been good at asking girls I don't know to dance or even worse getting their numbers. But that night something clicked with me, and I said what in the world do I have to lose. It is time to step up and be a man. So I asked her to dance, had a nice conversation with her and then got her number.

Guys as much as I would love to say that girls should take more responsibility in dating (girls you really should), the duty and responsibility is ours. So it is up to us if we take a swing or not. What is the worst thing that can happen? We miss? To miss really isn't that bad, hey the final out of this years World Series was a strikeout. So men go for the gold and be men.

A note on leagues.

It's not about whether someone is "in your league" or "out of your league", it's whether you can convince them to join your team.


Now, onto a slightly different but somewhat related subject.
Lately, I've been wondering why people don't just go on dates. If you're interested in someone, shouldn't you just take them on a date, get to know them, and consider the potential? What's all this about hanging out and becoming friends before you take them even on the first date? And, really, what have you got to lose from one date?

Men, I challenge you. (Women can take me up on this also, but it's less your responsibility)
Here's the challenge. If you see a girl that you may be interested in, ask her on a date. None of this waiting for her to show some interest first. Take the risk that she'll turn you down and ask her. Worst case scenario? She says no, and without playing all the silly games, you already know that she's not interested and you can move on!

Three dates=holding hands?

I recently had some friends tell me that after I had been on a fifth date (mind you these were the only times we did anything so we did not have the standard 'hanging out' in between dates) with a girl that I either had to have a DTR with her and tell her that I was just getting to know her and taking things slow or I needed to hold her hand. For some reason in our society this false thinking that just because you have been out on a certain amount of dates something particular should be happening. What ever happened to really getting to know somebody and actually finding out if you want to hold their hand or kiss them before you do it?

Further on this point, I had a several friends that said that if I didn't talk to her or hold her hand, that I was sending mixed signals. I personally think from the view of a guy speaking MANdrin that I was being quite clear. I am interested in getting to know you so I am taking you on dates, but I want to really get to know you better before I hold your hand. So lets all not over-read into things and just take things for what they are.

Finally just a general question to throw out there... Why do you go to FHE as a single?

The r word.

Raise your hand if you have ever chickened out of asking someone on a date because you were afraid of rejection. All of you, put your hands up. And if you're not putting your hand up, either you're lying or you're legityly not afraid of rejection (in which case, why are you reading this blog?)

In talking to people (both guys and girls) about asking out on dates, the number one fear I've discovered is rejection. Now, let's be honest, I don't like it either.

I'm here today, however, to change your perspective. When someone turns you down for a date, you don't have to get depressed and you definitely don't have to feel rejected.

Situation 1: You ask that certain someone you've had your eye on on a date and they tell you they're busy that night, but they'd love to go out another time.
Diagnosis: Not rejection. They're simply busy that night and you can ask them out another time. No harm, no foul.

Situation 2: You've been eyeing this person for a month or so now and you've finally worked up the guts to ask them on a date. They say, "Sorry, I'm not interested" or "Sorry, I'm dating someone."
Diagnosis: Not rejection. Now, this one's where it gets tricky. I'll bet you're saying to your computer screen right now "Of course that's rejection! They don't even want to go on a date with me."

My friends, it's all a matter of perspective. If your interest informs you that they're not interested, they just simplified your life! You don't have to wonder anymore. You know they're not and you can move on to someone else.

Somebody once told me "there is no use wasting time being heart broken over someone who is not your eternal companion". Now, I don't think I agree with that completely. There are great things that can be learned from experiencing a little heartbreak here and there. I'd change the statement to say "there is no use wasting time being heartbroken over someone who doesn't think you're worth their time." Why? Because if they don't think you're worth their time, they certainly aren't worth yours.

What a Girl Wants: four guy's thoughts

One night my three roommates and I were chatting and we decided to come up with a list of things that the average normal girl wants in a guy/relationship. So here is our list, girls let us know what you think.

1. Security (psychological and physical)
2. Respect

3. Compatible sense of humor

4. Creativity
5. Appreciation

6. Initiative a. Goal-oriented/achievers

7. Good hygiene
8. Honesty

9. Integrity

10. Friendship

11. Equality

12. Chemistry and Romance

Now guys it would be super nice if each girl were the same and each of these things meant the same thing to them. But we are all individually different and there is no instruction manual for dating a particular girl. So start to read between the lines and find out what each of these categories mean to the girl of your interest.