Three dates=holding hands?

I recently had some friends tell me that after I had been on a fifth date (mind you these were the only times we did anything so we did not have the standard 'hanging out' in between dates) with a girl that I either had to have a DTR with her and tell her that I was just getting to know her and taking things slow or I needed to hold her hand. For some reason in our society this false thinking that just because you have been out on a certain amount of dates something particular should be happening. What ever happened to really getting to know somebody and actually finding out if you want to hold their hand or kiss them before you do it?

Further on this point, I had a several friends that said that if I didn't talk to her or hold her hand, that I was sending mixed signals. I personally think from the view of a guy speaking MANdrin that I was being quite clear. I am interested in getting to know you so I am taking you on dates, but I want to really get to know you better before I hold your hand. So lets all not over-read into things and just take things for what they are.

Finally just a general question to throw out there... Why do you go to FHE as a single?

The r word.

Raise your hand if you have ever chickened out of asking someone on a date because you were afraid of rejection. All of you, put your hands up. And if you're not putting your hand up, either you're lying or you're legityly not afraid of rejection (in which case, why are you reading this blog?)

In talking to people (both guys and girls) about asking out on dates, the number one fear I've discovered is rejection. Now, let's be honest, I don't like it either.

I'm here today, however, to change your perspective. When someone turns you down for a date, you don't have to get depressed and you definitely don't have to feel rejected.

Situation 1: You ask that certain someone you've had your eye on on a date and they tell you they're busy that night, but they'd love to go out another time.
Diagnosis: Not rejection. They're simply busy that night and you can ask them out another time. No harm, no foul.

Situation 2: You've been eyeing this person for a month or so now and you've finally worked up the guts to ask them on a date. They say, "Sorry, I'm not interested" or "Sorry, I'm dating someone."
Diagnosis: Not rejection. Now, this one's where it gets tricky. I'll bet you're saying to your computer screen right now "Of course that's rejection! They don't even want to go on a date with me."

My friends, it's all a matter of perspective. If your interest informs you that they're not interested, they just simplified your life! You don't have to wonder anymore. You know they're not and you can move on to someone else.

Somebody once told me "there is no use wasting time being heart broken over someone who is not your eternal companion". Now, I don't think I agree with that completely. There are great things that can be learned from experiencing a little heartbreak here and there. I'd change the statement to say "there is no use wasting time being heartbroken over someone who doesn't think you're worth their time." Why? Because if they don't think you're worth their time, they certainly aren't worth yours.

What a Girl Wants: four guy's thoughts

One night my three roommates and I were chatting and we decided to come up with a list of things that the average normal girl wants in a guy/relationship. So here is our list, girls let us know what you think.

1. Security (psychological and physical)
2. Respect

3. Compatible sense of humor

4. Creativity
5. Appreciation

6. Initiative a. Goal-oriented/achievers

7. Good hygiene
8. Honesty

9. Integrity

10. Friendship

11. Equality

12. Chemistry and Romance

Now guys it would be super nice if each girl were the same and each of these things meant the same thing to them. But we are all individually different and there is no instruction manual for dating a particular girl. So start to read between the lines and find out what each of these categories mean to the girl of your interest.

Differences between Men and Women

Yesterday in my institute class we talked about how the differences between men and women are God given and are actually blessings. We watched this video. It was a pretty humorous way of explaining the differences, but really accurate (as a generalization) at the same time.

Now, why would these differences be such a good thing? Think about it. Women having all those crazy wires going all the time, would essentially be able to focus on all her children at once. It's a nurturing thing. And men being able to have boxes and have such a direct focus? Balances the woman out and he's more able to problem solve because he has such good focus. And the nothing box? Men are the bread winners, so how great is it that they can do a repetitive task (i.e. work) every day and still be content. Yep. That's why we love the nothing box.

That's what we talked about in institute, it was great. I adore the "Preparing for an Eternal Marriage" manual and would absolutely recommend it to anyone. My teacher is pretty fantastic too. I'm loving this class.

So, here's today's tip:
Ladies, men like to solve problems. It's a gift they've been given. So, when you're talking to them, if you just want to whine and you just need sympathy, tell them. On the other hand, if you do want advice/problem-solving say so.
Men, girls have a lot on their minds. And they're so difficult to figure out because often even they don't know what they want. Simplest way to find out? Ask them.

Happy Dating. :)

Womanese and Mandrin

The other day at work I was trying to communicate instruction for a task to two Arabic workers. Their English was poor and they had a difficult time comprehending the instructions I was trying to give. As a result I ended up explaining things multiple times and had a to show them instead of just telling them what I wanted them to do. And in the end the task took much longer then necessary.

Many different times during conversations with significant others or just friends that are girls, there has been a gap in what each of us take out of the same conversation or even just statement. It has been shocking to me at times the meanings girls have taken from things that I have said. Often times my intentions were good, but were not understood as such.

Just last year I was dating a beautiful young lady. One evening we were headed to a Jazz game when I said that our relationship did not have enough depth. The meaning I hoped to convey was that we should work together to create more depth in our relationship. However, she took my statement to mean that I was thinking about breaking up with her. She was emotionally distraught, the remainder of the night there was a horrible tension and it was not enjoyable. Finally as I dropped her off at home we finally talked about it and realized our different views.

“Understanding women is a like trying to read and understand Isiah.” What does understanding Isiah take? Now I am not trying to pass all the blame on to woman for the problems we have communicating with the opposite sex. I am simply stating that we speak different languages.

A date! What's a date?

Well, you go out to dinner and talk about yourselves. Your likes and your dislikes, your interests. 

At least, that's what Enchanted tells us a date is. 

But really, what is a date? 

Dictionary.com provides us with two related definitions: 

• a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person: to go out on a date on Saturday night.
• a person with whom one has such a social appointment or engagement: Can I bring a date to the party?

So, grocery shopping with your roommate? That can be a date? I think a better description of the kind of date we're talking about comes from Elder Dallin H. Oaks' infamous talk, "Dating versus Hanging Out". He says, "A “date” must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off." 

If it passes the three p's, it's a date. 

Here's what I want to know. Why do we have to have the three p's test? What happened to traditional "asking someone on a date"? Shouldn't we know that dates are dates instead of wondering if what we're on is actually a date?